I read a greeting card earlier that kind of summed up how I’m feeling about a few things..
It’s ok to lose your shit sometimes, because if you keep your shit, you’ll end up full of shit. Then you’ll explode and there will be shit everywhere. It’ll be a shit storm and nobody wants that.
I could really sign off this post just with that quote, as it really explains a lot, but let me paint a more rational picture.
All throughout my career, I’ve been the one that generally remains calm and displays a level of resilience, even when things get really tough. Some would say I don’t rock the boat in an aggressive way, more in a way that makes you realise you might be falling out of the boat, which in turn, means you settle yourself and get back on course.
But today I went against everything that is not me, and let my Chimp brain take over. I got to the point where I realised that to stop people walking over me, I need to play that ball straight back to them. It’s not my style, but I let my emotionally driven brain take control. So in order to stop the shit storm, I let it out, and people recognised it wasn’t my usual self.
Is everything ok, sorry I’ve been stuffing you around.
It’s not my fault you are in a bad mood today.
Wow your tone in that meeting today was different, what’s up?
Whereas one of the instigators of my mood said, well nothing really, and completely ignored my request.
My role is about partnering with people to help them deliver the best possible outcome for the business. I’m all about helping make their jobs easier, but man, sometimes you just can’t win!
I’m at odds with myself tonight, because with this one person, I really don’t give a shit anymore. If they get rewarded for poor behaviour, why do I always strive to be the bigger person and not let the emotional chimp drive my behaviour?
And this is why I started this blog. I wanted to be able to capture my thoughts, whether that be to share ideas, write about what I enjoy and am appreciative for, and maybe for the reason today. If I lose my shit here and express how I’m feeling in a safe environment, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll stay true to myself, and let the real Unknown Smith shine.